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I got stung by the K-Pop bug, specifically the BTS one.

Last year during the midst of COVID-19 and with all the talks about layoffs and pay cuts, I started thinking about my "side hustle". How was I going to make up for the potential 15-20% pay cut proposed for my State job or how are we going to cut expenses to make it bearable. That was the reason I started this website and although I didn't really know what I would be doing for my "side hustle", I wanted to share my journey instead of having everything planned out before I went live. As you get to know me, I'm very different and all over the place. I wanted to share my stories (my failures and successes - I hope) and to start selling my crafts and off load my old inventory (we used to be a florist/gift shop from 1999 - 2014). I was excited and despite COVID-19, I was convinced that 2020 could still be an awesome year. Sounded like an amazing plan but unfortunately, I got into a funk with COVID-19 and actually got infected with it during the summer.


In the summer of 2020, I became one of the statistics that got COVID-19 but luckily I had mild symptoms that mimicked my allergies and didn't infect my family, coworkers or friends. It's a possibility that it was a false positive but I'll never know (I participated in a COVID research project and my first blood test showed no antibodies). Anyways, the guilt and shame that I felt, along with the frustrations/anxieties that came with the pandemic, I become sad, lost and depressed. Not too bad but enough that I needed something to help me get out of it.


So, this is my story of how I became a fan of BTS, an ARMY. Little did I know, it all started in 2017, as the first BTS song that I heard on the radio was "Mic Drop". I was like... "I like this", "Ohhhh, sounds like it's Korean", and thought that it was cool to hear music in another language besides Spanish on American radio. I heard the song several more times and ended up buying "Mic Drop" on iTunes. Funny thing is that in the past, I didn't really like music (it never really spoke to me, it was just background noise) and I usually would rather be lost in my thoughts than listen to the radio. Probably the only reason I started to listen to the radio was because my daughter loves music.


I would say around this time, I also started watching a lot Korean Dramas and started getting used to the sound of the Korean language and songs. My husband started to listen to K-Pop, too and introduced me to Black Pink and Ateez. He also found a local station that played K-Pop, too. Pop!99.1 was on every time I was driving to and from work. In 2019, I bought my second K-Pop single, it was a collab with Ava Max and NCT 127, "So Am I". This song spoke to me (Do you ever feel like a misfit? Everything inside you is dark and twisted

Oh, but it's okay to be different. 'Cause baby, so am I) and the Korean addition just made it more cool. At this point, I still never imagined that I would become a BTS fan since I'm not one to have a favorite song or band/musician. I don't even have a favorite movie or actor. LOL! BTS' "Boy with Luv" also came out in 2019, a collab with Halsey so this song also played on American radio. My thought then was good for them. I didn't buy this one. I started hearing chatter about BTS from coworkers, family or on social media but never imagined that I would become a fan.


During my COVID funk, I lost my spark. My coworker Cori, calls me "Unicorn and Rainbows" which is usually how I roll. But during my funk, I felt like a grey little girl in the rain with no umbrella. But luckily, I have a school friend who is a big fan of K-Pop boy band, BTS, who posted little clips and photos of BTS on her social media daily. At first, I didn't really pay attention much but one day, I was curious and watched a couple clips of their variety show. I read some articles to see why this boy band from South Korea was so popular and it was intriguing. After a couple of weeks, I was hooked. As my friend put it, I went down the rabbit hole and there was no coming out. LOL! She was right. I love anime and the BTS members were all just so cute in their mannerism and interactions with each other. At first it's weird to think that this super mega famous K-Pop band as cute but their interactions are just that - cute, warm and fuzzy kind of aura. Some of the posts and comments from fans I've read were that BTS "saved" them, made them feel loved and got them through rough times. "Must be young kids", I thought, how cute is it that these young adults love their idols that much. So I stayed as a distraction but had no expectations for anything in return.


As a woman in her mid forties (ugh! I hate the sound of that), it happened to me, too. BTS pulled me out of my funk. I don't understand a word of Korean so it wasn't like their songs told me to "love myself" or that I'll be fine or whatevers. Even to this day, I'm not exactly sure what it is about BTS that speaks to my soul but all I know is that they fanned my dying flame to bring me back to life, they sparked joy back into my life and made me remember that I am important and if I can't love myself, I cannot continue to be the person that I worked so hard to be.


I'm sure if I read the stories of other artists, I may have been apart of another fandom but here I am, BTS fan, ARMY if you will. The story of their beginning to their current successes brings inspiration; their message and actions help their fans, ARMYs everywhere, to love themselves and to spread love; to not give up and most of all to be thankful. I've always been the person who was kind, helpful and hard working so I didn't change in that sense, but I think I lived my life for others more than for myself. Even prior to BTS, I've always told my daughter that the person you should love the most is yourself because if you don't love and take care of yourself, you cannot do for others. Funny thing was that all this time, I thought I was loving myself by always analyzing what I did and figuring out how I could be a better person but the perspective I used was wrong. I was focused on how my actions benefitted other people and how my presence would make a difference for others. I didn't practice what I preached and that's why at 45, during the pandemic when the whole world stopped, I got lost and fell apart. I cried a lot and in front of people (which is something I don't do). I'm usually good at figuring out what's wrong and usually can easily fix myself or am able to accept what I cannot change, but this time, I was broken.


By this time, I was in deep and streaming all of BTS' songs. One day, a song came on and I really didn't pay attention to the English parts but I started balling. So, I googled the lyrics and felt a sigh of relief. Realization (Epiphany LOL) hit me and almost immediately I felt better.



[Verse 1]

So weird, I for sure loved you so much Adapted to you with everything, I wanted to live my life for you But as I keep doing that I just can't bear the storm inside my heart The real myself inside the smiling mask, I reveal it entirely [Chorus] I'm the one I should love in this world Shining me, precious soul of mine I finally realized so I love me Not so perfect but so beautiful I'm the one I should love [Verse 2] I'm shaking and afraid but I keep going forward I'm meeting the real you, hidden in the storm Why did I want to hide my precious self like this? What was I so afraid of? Why did I hide my true self? [Chorus] I'm the one I should love in this world Shining me, precious soul of mine I finally realized so I love me Not so perfect but so beautiful I'm the one I should love [Bridge] I may be a bit blunt, I may lack some things I may not have that shy glow around me But this is me My arms, my legs, my heart, my soul [Chorus] I wanna love in this world Shining me, precious soul of mine I finally realized so I love me Not so perfect but so beautiful I'm the one I should love [Outro] I'm the one I should love I'm the one I should love

And just like that I got my answer. I knew what was wrong and I was determined to fix it. I was on my journey to self love and self care. It did take a while and some money (not going to lie - I was a hot mess) but I feel like I'm at a point where I have balance between making myself a priority and fulfilling my passion to helping others.


Sometimes it may sound like loving yourself is being selfish but that's not it at all. For me, it started with spending a little money for myself to take care of my physical appearance. I bought skin care, make up, new clothes and shoes. Sure, it may seem vain but when I look in the mirror, I like what I see. I can see my flaws while admiring my brows and eye makeup (LOL, it's a thing for me). Before, my attitude was decent enough, nothing to look at here. I am what I am. Love me or leave me. I'm overweight and have been all my life but never felt bad about it. Must be all that "Unicorn and rainbows" thing. Even though I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel good either. It's not about how pretty I look with this new eye shadow or how nice my hair is, it's about making myself a priority, showing myself that I am just as important as the person I want to help. Making time for yourself, making it known that "I" am important, too, does wonders for your mental health. You can see how well your mental health is doing but you can see how your physical self is doing, which in my opinion goes hand in hand. This was the easy and fun part. I'm continuing to re-learn about myself, letting myself enjoy life, making "me" time, setting boundaries and enjoying BTS along the way.


Mental health is just as important as physical health. There are a lot of free resources out there, especially with COVID-19. Talk to a friend, a trusted family member, your doctor, your trusted coworker, your church or seek an online support group. Just know that you're not alone and you don't have struggle alone. If you're in Hawaii, you can contact Hawaii Cares for free help. (https://hicares.hawaii.gov/ For Oʻahu 1-808-832-3100 | toll-free 1-800-753-6879) Take care and stay safe!!


In case you're interested in learning more about BTS,I check out some of their music videos or stream their music. They are everywhere - google them and see what they are all about.



And if you're interested in some BTS Tiny Tan goodies, I have a discount code. This is an affiliate link and I may earn a small commission if you buy something. Thanks!






Have a great day! Thanks for stopping by.



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